


Lonely On A Walk

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Confusion, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ethan Nestor Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Platonic Relationships, References to Depression, Sad Ethan Nestor, Soft Ethan Nestor, can be read as platonic or not idc, purposefully lowercase, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 09:41:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30019827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: ethan’s been having a hard time coping with everything and spirals, but mark and amy show up.
Relationships: Amy Nelson & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach & Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach & Amy Nelson & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach & Ethan Nestor, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson, Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Lonely On A Walk

it's easy to forget where you are. the rustling of trees and whispers of up-and-coming rain. thinking of how nice it'd be to sit in your bathtub, listening to music playlists stitched together by friends and lovers, those who aren't here with us now.

they didn't die, just left to care for another.

sighing, he turned a corner. another corner. there are too many. you turn this way and that, never once reaching your destination. tiring, isn't it? having so much to give to the world that it sits on your tongue, weighing you down and making it impossible to speak of potential.

potential. i have potential. i matter. _i_ matter. ihavepotentialtomatterihavepotentialtomatteri—

the soft pads of rain knock him from his thoughts, shaking the fog from his eyes to make way for tears.

home.

yes, go home. that's a great idea. it's too much work to exist in the world. there are many to disappoint and many more to convince you aren't worth their time. bile builds the closer he gets to his home.

it's so cold there. no one to touch, hold. all ethan has is spencer, and he guesses that's ok. but it isn't human contact. god, that month was terrifying. he was free, and had never felt better. . . but he had also never felt more useless.

ethan rounded yet another corner when he spotted a car in his driveway. mark— ? the car resting in his drive way wasn't supposed to be there. no, what is he doing here?

ethan's slow walk quickened to a jog as he jumped over the meager two steps leading up to his door. (new door, he reminds himself. new door where it only leads to your loneliness.) jesus, when did it get so hard to breathe?

pin needles where digging in to annoy ethan, making it harder than it already was for him to think.

"m—" ethan threw open the door, "mark!" a head of long, messy black hair turned to look at him, eyes going wide at the pitiful sight before them. (there's another head but it's not mark's.)

"ethan, what happened? were—" mark rushed over to ethan, sliding off his soaked jacket. "were you out in the rain? you idiot!" mark scolded, dragging ethan to his table.

"why," ethan breathed, eyes unfocusing and mind sticking to his skull at the feel of human, a real person's hand, touching his grayed skin. "are you here? i—i haven't even. . ." ethan was shaking. "mark?" the young male questioned, snatching his fragile hand away from mark's big and comforting one.

"no, no, you can't be here." ethan nodded and his eyes glanced over at the moving boxes on his floor, feeling nauseous all over again. "o—out. please, the boxes, and smell—" ethan pulled at his wet hair, the clothes on his body clinging closer than they needed to. "you. . . ? amy. where's amy." ethan gasped backing away.

god, it's so hot.

"ethan. . ." there. she's here. "i'm right here. i've been here the whole time," ethan nods his head and his tongue feels so thick.

"then you know; you can't be here." ethan nods again, taking in a deep breath.

amy and mark share a look.

"ethan, why can't we be here? are you ok?" oh, how naïve amy. questions, questions, questions. ethan knows not to ask too many because that's not what normal people do.

"amy, please," ethan begs, tears cascading down his cheeks. "you—you can't—" ethan cries as he wraps his arms around himself. it was too much.

"oh, eth. . ." amy coos, walking over to ethan with open arms. "c'mere."

ethan let's out a heart wrenching sob as he throws himself into amy's arms, clinging on to the welcomed touch. _she_ allowed _him_ to hug her. she even _opened_ _her arms_ _for him_.

she cares.

ethan felt a pair of strong arms wrap around both him and amy, like a bandaid over a cut.

he cares, too.

ethan weeped into their shoulders, letting them hold him. it'd been so long since he felt affection. their affection. after unus annus ended, they stopped visiting everyday. it was hard. ethan was burnt out, and mark just moved on to the next project. dropping ethan out of his life. (or was it ethan who pulled himself away from them?)

"i—" ethan hiccuped, pushing himself further into the warmth of their bodies. "sh, ethan, you don't have to explain." mark comforted, rubbing ethan's back softly.

"we're here for you."

ethan sobbed harder, mind flashing images of text messages that have yet to be read. mark had reached out, both after unus annus and during his month of isolation.

mark had tried, but ethan had already spiraled so much.

ethan squeezed mark and amy, his thin and deathly pale arms linking to whatever pieces remained of their relationship. ethan wanted to try again, try to love and care for them like they had been doing to him.

ethan breathed in slowly, listening to the beating hearts by his ears. everything was scary, and ethan was still unstable, but maybe mark and amy won't mind.

maybe they'll stay by him a little while longer, even if it's just to reassure him that someone cares.

that those playlists still matter to them, too.


End file.
